[550일째(550th day)] confusion

It's already passing 550th day after Mir went away to heaven. I can't believe to pass 4 seasons and 2 seasons are passing.

Even though time goes by a long time than I think, it seems to stop my memory in one place, I still miss him.

I went to animal clinic where took care of Mir yesterday. Maybe it goes by a long time as going to there at the first after Mir passed away, but I was talking with them and shed tears. I decided to go there when everything was all right before, I thought that was yesterday, but it didn't think so. 

These days it'll be more so cause my heart is confused. 

I'm not sure what happen to me soon. I'm so disappointing about new work cause work system is mess and my boss has problem about moral personality or etiquette and he behaves capriciously. I know well that it should adapt myself to organization and each organizations aren't honestly different. But I'm so confused due to basic problem. Honestly it isn't surprised case even if I quit this work soon.

Of course, I try to have patience and work very hard for my travel that plans on Thanksgiving holiday of Korea mixing 2 day-off, once I'm considering to endure for three months. But it's unsure.

Besides I was so disappointing to team of Texas Rangers. Exactly, It can say to disappoint about JD.

He isn't managing well for team for recently a few years. I know he did good work until a few years ago, but it has been making failure after then, I think Darvish's deal puts peak of failure. Even if CBA rule changes, I think this deal hasn't had to happen. He didn't get player of necessary style on main card. I think Prospector is being prospector, nevertheless I'm thinking top prospector is worth of adventure,. However this team couldn't get player like that by a half year rental, so I think better this deal don't do. Nature deal can do it should match each cards.

Of course, someone can think good to do this deal due to CPBA rule and I also respect their opinions.

The thing I want to say is a part that JD has made many failures recently, coaching staff has some problems, so it seems to come the time of parting with JD and almost coaching staffs. Coaches aren't also working well cause young players are very slowly progressing and the count is very a few.

So I'm considering to stop supporting for this team these days. I just support for only Nomar Mazara or some players of Rangers, I'm seriously considering to become another team's fan. Cause I have the second favorite team... 

I think I can know to pass time how do I decide, but now I don't like this team. 

The situations to put in front of me...

Sometimes life is so tough and it gives up everything, I think I want to go to Mir. 

I don't know why I live like this. I'd like to live happily, but I heard human life has happiness of 10% and unhappiness of 90%, I'm living more unlucky than another people in principle. I want to live having only as their lucky.

As a Catholic, I know well I should bear my crosses. But I feel suffocating so almost bad things happens to me. 

How should I do......